Sod Off
by Luciela
Summary: How many times has Lily Evans told James Potter to sod off? Close to a dozen, including the time she kissed him. The sardonic confessions of a bitter girl in love.
1. Of Smirks and Sugar Quills

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters; they all belong to Jo Rowling. Don't sue me, as it'll only be a waste of your effort.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 1:** _Of_ _Smirks and Sugar Quills_

* * *

Don't you just hate it when this happens? Don't you hate it when you know you should be paying attention to whatever's happening but you just can't bloody well get yourself interested? Don't you hate it when this could be affecting your entire future, but you just can't seem to keep your eyes open? Don't you hate it when you know you can't afford to let everyone down, and yet, you might as well be nodding and agreeing with a tree stump?

Here I am, on the sodding Hogwarts Express and I'm already nodding off though the Prefects meeting. Oh, did I mention that I'm the one who's supposed to be _hosting_ this thing? Because I am, being the newly appointed Head Girl and all. Bugger. Why do we even have these stupid meetings? It's not like being a Prefect needs a lot of discussing. It should be simple enough – become prefect; put anyone you like in detention. Maybe fifth years are just too thick to get it through their heads. Little sods.

I woke up in time to hear the annoying nasally whine of a fifth year prefect. She happened to have started talking half an hour ago. That was before the train even started moving. I stared at her dimly. How can she even talk that fast? I wonder how many words she can say in one breath…?

"…because it is such an honor to be appointed prefect my parents were just so proud my mother cried have I said that already I personally think we should replace the broken toilets in the girls' first floor bathroom it keeps flooding I don't understand why no one has though of it before did I say just how much I'm glad to be a prefect June Collins tells me to stuff it when I talk too much but you guys are so great I really feel like I can contribute and do my part to make our school a better and a happier place and where is the Head Boy again?"

Crud. I lost count at seventy-eight words. But yes that was a good point she was making. Not about the toilets. I mean about the Head Boy. But Merlin, if I knew, I would have strangled him already. Well, maybe. In fact, I don't even know who it is. I just know he hasn't shown up yet and the meeting's been opened for a good half hour already. Consequently, when I find him, he will be strangled.

"Someone called me?" an entirely too cheerful voice floated into the compartment as the doors slid open. I'd recognize that voice anywhere: James Potter.

"Potter, as much as I'd be entirely too happy to have a chat with you right now, could you please sod off and not interrupt our prefects meeting?" I said, before even turning my head towards him.

He was leaning against the door frame, looking like an ungrateful, self-centered…sod. Him, and his stupid ruffled ("wind-swept" as he liked to call it) hair, thin wire famed glasses and – _what_?

"How did you get that?" I asked stupidly, staring at the shiny "Head Boy" badge gleaming on the front of his robes. Oh God. You've got to be kidding me.

"Same way you got yours, Evans. Now what's this about starting the party without me?" He answered, an amused look twinkling in his eyes. Prat. He sat down next to me, getting himself much too comfortable. I _accidentally_ jabbed him with my quill.

"So James," I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. "We were just talking about the importance of being a prefect. Would you care to share a few pointers with us?" I smirked at him. He smirked back.

"As a matter of fact I would," He cleared his throat "Alright er, folks. Being a prefect is serious business. This is the first step to maturing and taking responsibility." (I snorted) "It is the beginning of a journey towards great things at Hogwarts. As you know, prefects are privileged with the ability to give detentions and to dock house points. This privilege should be carried out with dignity and maturity. If the Head Girl or myself find any of you abusing your privileges, you can be sure that you'll have to deal with me personally." He hesitated. "On a side note, I should warn you new prefects that the statue to the prefect boys' bathroom on the second floor tends to bite, so you have been warned." He stopped, thinking of what else to add. "You'll each find a list of passwords to prefect areas on your schedules tomorrow. Right, so – meeting dismissed!"

That was a bloody good speech. Why couldn't I think of something like that?

The prefects filed out of the compartment slowly, peering curiously at James. He smiled smugly, enjoying the attention.

"Hurry it up!" I hissed, and snapped the compartment door closed after the last little bugger got out. I then walked curtly to the seat as far from James as possible (glaring at him the entire way there) and promptly opened up my new charms book.

"Had a good summer, Evans?"

"Any time without seeing you is good," I answered, trying to find a strategy to spy on him without him noticing. Maybe if I accidentally dropped my quill…

"What a shame, because I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more of each other from now on."

"Lovely," I said, giving him the deepest look of loathing I could muster.

"I couldn't agree more," He grinned, eyeing me oddly.

"I–" I stopped, slightly confused. What? Didn't he mean – wait. _What?_

My quill really did drop from my hand. I hastily picked it up, blushing furiously. James was looking at me, his face full of amusement.

I tried my best to glare at him. That was when I noticed something different about him. His messy black hair still fell over his twinkling eyes. His mouth still formed that crooked smile of his that sends half the female Hogwarts population swooning. He was still tall, he was still the Quidditch team captain and he still had excellent grades in all his subjects. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but something about him made me want to stare at him.

"Are you blushing Evans?" Oh, did I mention he's _still_ the most infuriating person on the face of the planet?

"Sod off," I retorted, bringing my hands to my cheeks.

"I only meant you looked cute."

"Maybe you wouldn't think so if you had a quill in your eye."

"You know Evans, I've never seen anyone take a compliment as…violently as you do."

"Maybe you should stop provoking me then, Potter."

The thing is, I was getting really flushed. Arguing with James always made me somewhat hotheaded but I've never blushed so much before. Something must be wrong with me. Maybe I have a fever. Sodding muggle flu shots.

Thankfully, the trolley witch came to our compartment before James could say anything else. I got myself a sugar quill and watched as James practically bought the rest of the trolley. I sucked on my sugar quill in silence. James opened wrappers noisily. I stared out the window at the rain-soaked landscape passing by. James stared at me. I knew this because his stare was almost burning a hole into me, but I pretended I didn't notice anything. Well, I tried to anyway. God, it was unnerving. After a few minutes, I couldn't take it anymore.

"What's your problem Potter?" I shouted, snapping my head in his direction.

"Huh?" He said innocently, his mouth full of chocolate frogs. He did that on purpose. I'll catch him next time.

I went back to staring out of the window. The sky was getting darker and darker. The rain had stopped but the scenery was still so drenched that the trees, the sky and the ground started blending into one other. I was starting to get hungry and cranky. I was yearning for the feast and the warmth of the Great Hall.

* * *

"Lily…" The voice was soothing and soft. "…Lily?" 

"Sod…off…" I grumbled sleepily, snuggling deeper into the covers. My, they smelled good. Sort of like clean, peppermints. I don't remember –

"OI EVANS!"

I jerked awake, finding myself nose to nose with a grinning James Potter. I fell off my seat.

"What the, _what was that for_?" I shrieked angrily, trying to get myself back into a standing position.

"We're here." He said, raising an eyebrow and hiding a smirk.

I scowled at him while I fixed my robes and rubbed my sore back. Just as I was about to leave, James took hold of wrist, making me turn around.

"Can I have my cloak back?"

"I don't have your cloak, you imbecile."

He looked down at my hands. I did the same.

Bugger.

And I thought they smelled like peppermints. Maybe I do have a fever.

I shoved them in his hands and got off the train before he could catch me again.

* * *

Outside, the platform was almost iced over. Just as I got myself steadied, someone knocked me off my feet. How had I ended up on the ground twice within ten minutes? I propped myself up on my elbows, ready to verbally butcher the idiot who had run me over when I heard the muffled laughter on top of me. I should have guessed it was Alice. God knows she's clumsy enough. I almost had to roll her off me to regain possession of my limbs. 

"So did you have a good time? What did you do? Do you have a date with him yet? How come you didn't even tell me? I had to hear it from Frank, you realize!"

"It's great to see you too Alice, and what in the name of Merlin are you talking about?" I took the hand Alice offered me and brushed the chips of ice off of my robes.

"James Potter, of course! And what was all that banging around in your compartment when the train stopped? We could hear it three compartments down! Oh!" Her eyes widened and her blond curls danced around her pink cheeks "Oh, were you having a wild, passionate – ?"

"ALICE!" I screamed, horrified at what she was about to say. Tactless cow.

I had to forgive her though. Sadly, she wasn't the only one to think these demented thoughts. Ever since the fourth year, there has been a silent agreement that I "belonged" to James Potter. Not many people know how it happened, but everyone just knew it. It would be a charming little story really, if it wasn't the stupidest accident I've had the misfortune to come across. It went something like this:

I sat at the front of transfiguration class; James sat at the back of transfiguration class. James got in trouble and got moved next to me. I mind my own business; James minds my business too. James gets it in his head to ask me out; I told him to sod off. But wait, _it gets better_. He bet me four sugar quills he could get me to fall in love with him by the end of the year. Of course, it didn't happen. He sent me four sugar quills. The next year, he bet me five sugar quills, and last year, he bet me six. I did find it cute for a while, like it was a game, but it got strenuous and eventually, I wanted him to stop trying so hard. Only he wouldn't, until I agreed to go out with him. So by the end of fifth year, I was trying to be as unpleasant as possible to him. He finally gave up, soon after the start of sixth year. We still had the occasional argument and he still asked me out a few times, I recall. We didn't jump each other every time we crossed in the halls, I mean. We just didn't talk that much and he stopped professing his undying love for me like a complete prat in front of the entire school. But the unspoken claim he had over me never changed one bit.

Okay, now that was just sappy. What is wrong with me? I'm turning into a bloody…sappy thing. Like Pettigrew. Ew!

**

* * *

Author's Note: **

**Thank you for reading! Please leave a review, it'd mean a lot to me. I've got a few more chapters written out, they just need to be edited and repolished. There should be a new chapter up by...next week let's say? It'll probably depend on the amount of reviews I get, not that I'm blackmailing you or anything...**

**Love, Cassie**


	2. Of Plans and Parchment

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, lalala. I'm poor so don't even bother to sue me.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 2:** _Of_ _Plans and Parchment_

**

* * *

**

"What do you mean, you don't think it's a good idea?"

"I think it's a good idea."

"Shut up Wormtail."

"They're not idiots Padfoot, don't you think they'll work it out?"

"They won't know nor care."

"Of course he'll know it, who else could it be?"

"You flatter me."

"That wasn't a compliment, you git."

"I still think you're sore about not being appointed Head Boy."

"Shut up Wormtail. And of course I'm not!"

"Well, I'm sure Prongs wouldn't mind lending you the title for…Prongs?"

"What's wrong with Prongs?"

"Yeah, you all right there mate?"

"What are you writing? Oh dear lord, could it be _notes_?"

"What are you taking notes for? Have you finally cracked?"

"I think this Head Boy business has gotten to his head."

"Stop patronizing him, I think it's great that he's taking responsibility for once."

"Moony, you Nancy Boy, can't you see he's delirious?"

"Really? No I just think he's –"

"Shut up, Wormtail."

"You just can't accept the fact that he's not being immature like you, Padfoot."

"Stop it you guys, I wasn't taking notes."

"Thank Merlin."

"So what was the plan, Padfoot?"

"Yes, what was the plan Padfoot?"

"Wormtail, I'm going to hex you."

"Oh crud, my Drought of Living Death looks more like Pus of Dead…Death."

Useless morons.

"Will you idiots stop talking?" I hissed at them from behind my cauldron.

"Ooh, is the Head Girl Evans going to throw us all in detention?"

This is why I hate idiots.

"Black, I'm warning you –"

"Wanted to get in on the action, Evans?"

"Potter, you're Head Boy!"

"Yes, I know Evans."

"What are you lot plotting?"

"How to get a date with you."

"What?"

"No need to sound so pleased Evans."

"I'm going to rip your heart out."

"No need, it's already yours."

Insufferable prat! Alright, I couldn't think of a comeback for that one so I turned around and fumed while I finished up my Drought of Living Death. I pictured flinging my cutting knife right into Potter's forehead. He kept going.

"So what was the plan Padfoot?"

"What? Oh, the plan, I er…"

"It won't work."

"Moony, stop being so negative. And a Nancy Boy."

"Quit calling me a Nancy Boy!"

"Well, help me out then!"

"Fine but what do we say?"

"What won't work and what will we or will we not say?"

"Yeah, what wont work and –"

"Wormtail, if you don't go attend to your Pus of Death, I'm going to dump it on you"

"…Well?"

"Well what?"

"Well what plan are you two talking about? Are you hiding something from me?"

"Prongs, we were just discussing some stuff about the next Hogsmeade trip"

"Were you?"

"Wormtail!"

"Sorry!"

"So what about the Hogsmeade Trip?"

"Well we were thinking…"

Professor Slughorn _finally_ noticed the banter going on back here. Honest to goodness, he must be deaf, that one.

"Black, Lupin, Potter! Det-"

Pettigrew's cauldron chose that very moment to spontaneously implode, making an ear-splintting noise and scorching a hole through his cauldron bottom. It left a nasty trail of yellow pus on the table.

"- and Pettigrew! DETENTION!"

* * *

After that little…episode in Potions, I had some peace and quiet during lunch. I decided to finish up my extra credit Transfiguration assignment, since Alice was gone with Frank and I didn't want to meet Potter and his friends just yet. I wanted to save the honor for Transfiguration this afternoon. Yeah, right, _headache_ is more like it. But right now, I can finally learn in peace and quiet. 

"Hey Evans!"

Drat.

Clearly I need a better hiding place. I threw a scathing look over my shoulder. Black and Lupin. _Joy_.

"Hey, glad to see you too there, Evans!" Black whacked my shoulder good-naturedly, making me dab a huge ink spot right in the middle of my assignment. Why do Ieven bother?

"What a pleasure. Did you bring Potter and Pus Boy along with you?"

"Nah, James is out on the Quidditch field and "Pus Boy" is cleaning up his…pus"

"How lovely," I said, positively feeling like throwing up. "So to what do I owe this honor?"

"Nothing much, we just stopped by to see our favorite Head Girl."

Nothing much, my ass.

"Is that transfiguration you're doing? The extra credit assignment?"

"No no, you got the dates mixed up, the law about Animagi registrations were passed out in the 1400s, not the 1600s. That was when they were revised."

"And the accent is actually on the second syllable of the spell Evans, not the first."

"And you should mention that the spell doesn't work if the swishing is done counterclockw –"

"What are you two twits doing?" I yelled.

"Geez, Evans, we're only trying to help."

"I don't need your help, thank you very much" I retorted. Where do they think they get off telling me my assignment is owl feces?

"I think I know who's help she _would_ need, Moony."

"I think so too, Padfoot."

"Let us depart then, shall we?"

And they left. The two brainless sods, they must be missing more than just a few screws in their heads.

* * *

Transfiguration was oddly quiet, and I became suspicious. Undoubtedly, Potter and his friends didn't have the capability to keep quiet for more than five minutes unless something extremely tragic and dramatic happened to them. Or unless they had a plan up their sleeves, which I knew they had because I overheard them in Potions this morning. There was some muttering here and there but nothing noticeable. When nothing changed after half an hour, I began to worry. If they could shut up for this long, the target of their latest prank would probably end up in pieces. Many, many pieces. I hoped to God it was not me. 

Just as I was trying to hear some of their muttering, a note fell into my textbook. McGonagall didn't notice. I turned around to look at the three boys and Potter (who was sitting next to me), expecting at least _some_ kind of warning. But they each appeared to be reading their books and scribbling down notes. Bugger them.

I stared at the piece of parchment for a while, not daring to touch it. To tell you the truth, I half-expected it to incinerate right there, on my textbook. Then, I bravely stuck my wand out and prodded it. Nothing. I heard Black whispering behind me.

"What is she doing?"

I decided I would not let them have the satisfaction of knowing that I, Lily Evans, was scared of a note from James Potter. I braced myself for whatever horror was in store for me, and took the piece of parchment. Nothing happened, and I was glad of it too, because, of course, what good would clenching my teeth do if I happened to be turned into a giant purple patterned platypus?

I opened it up.

_Lily,_

_I noticed you're not doing so great with animagi. Need some help?_

This was unbelievable! Am I not allowed to fail transfiguration in peace? But I decided to let him off easier, because he did address me as "Lily" and not "Evans".

_NO YOU SOD, AND TELL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS TO STAY AWAY FROM ME TOO. I'M DOING PERFECTLY FINE IN TRANSFIGURATION._

That ought to do it.

But, as luck would have it, I had barely tossed my note back to James when McGonagall's sharp pointed nose was jabbed in my face. Crud.

"What have we here? Head Boy and Head Girl passing notes? How do you expect to be a good example to the first years when you have absolutely no regard for the rules yourselves? A week's detention to both of you," She stopped to glare at us and then read the note. Oh no. "And Miss Evans, I think you should take Potter up on that one. I think it'll be good for you."

She did not just say that. Why does _everyone_ want to watch me humiliate myself in transfiguration? I might as well just transfigurate myself into a neon sign that flashes "L-O-S-E-R!" and get it over with. It was probably bound to happen at some point anyway.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**I love each and every person who reviewed! Thank you to** LilJester, Webling-girl05, Ruby, Peligro, XxStephXx, **and** -ShIvErInG sMiLe-!**-hands out cupcakes- But I've been noticing people that have put me on alert and favorites did not comment! Come on, show me some love, and I'll show you some cupcakes!**

I just wanted to say that this chapter has been immensely fun to write. It's so obvious what's coming, right? But don't ruin it for those who haven't figured it out ;D. Next chapter will be about the detention...Lily and James stuck in an empty room for three hours - should be _loads_ of fun! I need to work on wittier dialogue though.

Keep reviewing!

**Love, Cassie**


	3. Of Fainting and Flirting

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, except for the occasional random name here and there that you don't recognize. But really, why bother stealing _them_?

* * *

**

**Chapter 3:** _Of Fainting and Flirting

* * *

_

"Please Lily? Pleeeeease?"

Sod it. It was a sodding Monday and the second sodding month of the sodding year and I had my first sodding detention with sodding Potter. No way in hell am I ever getting out of this bed. No way, siree.

"Lily get uuuuup!" Alice screamed in my ear as she attempted to dislocate my shoulder. She's been tugging at my arm for a good ten minutes now and I think she's showing signs of weakness. Of course who wouldn't be showing signs of weakness at this bloody hour of the morning?

"Alice," I said holding my pillow firmly over my head. "IT IS BLOODY FIVE IN THE BLOODY MORNING! THIS WHOLE COUNTRY HAD BETTER BE ON FIRE!"

"I don't know about any fire but if you'd just get _up_ you'll see James flaming up the Quidditch pitch!"

I hesitated slightly before telling her to sod off, but it was too late. She just kept blabbing on and _on_ about him. I flung back my covers and started to get dressed. It's not as if there's any point to staying in bed after Alice has decided to go off on one of her bloody rants.

"Oh, so we wake up after that comment, huh? I don't understand you at all Lils. One minute you're swearing you'll hex him and next, you blush at the very mention of his name. Be honest Lily, do you fancy him or not?"

"Ov coursh not!" I said from the washroom, my mouth full of toothpaste.

She went on as if she hadn't heard me.

"Because if I were you Lily, I'd tell him soon. He's not going to chase after you for ever, you know. In case you haven't noticed, he hasn't brought up the bet at all yet. It's already been a full month into the semester. Usually he asks you on the train over."

"And what's your point, Alice?" I snapped, pulling my hair into the loose single braid I've worn for the past six years.

"My point is, if you don't tell him you fancy him soon, he'll move on. Look Lils, I know you're pretty clueless about gossip around here, but there has been word that James has had his eye on a certain Ravenclaw…"

"Good for him!" I spat haughtily and dragged Alice out of the dormitory.

* * *

About ten minutes later, I was sitting on the bleachers, quietly nibbling on a piece of toast. The sky was just turning a bashful shade of pink as morning slowly spread over the Quidditch pitch. It was tranquil where I was sitting, cut off from the ruckus of the practice. I almost fell asleep again. 

Alice had already abandoned me. She ran over to Frank, who was just landing his broomstick. I watched them do that cheesy American movie thing where they would run at each other from either sides of a beach or something, all done in slow motion and to an excellent soundtrack. Of course, the moment was kind of ruined, because there was obviously no beach and the only "music" here was that of Curtis Langhammer's shriek as he received a Bludger in the face. I watched as they hugged and Alice giggled joyously. The lucky cow. She had everything. She was pretty, she had good grades in all her subjects, and most importantly, everyone loved her. I mean, she was just so cute and bubbly, it was next to impossible to hate her. Frank especially loved her. You could tell by the affectionate way he held her waist and the gentle kisses he left on her cheek. He teased her as he kissed her nose, her ear, her forehead, her eyelid, but kept avoiding her lips. Her cheeks blushed the tint of ripe pomegranates. They were such a perfect couple, as if nothing could ever wake them from their fantasy.

And me? I got dragged out at the break of dawn to watch the Gryffindor's first Quidditch practice of the year. I admire the lot of them for waking up so early. I would just have fallen off my broomstick. Anyway, I was feeling a little lonely sitting by myself. Plus, it was considerably colder than I had anticipated. And me, being brilliant as ever, had left my cloak back in the dorm.

Right. So. I decided to pull myself together before anyone noticed that I was wallowing in self-pity over here. I focused on the practice. Frank had gotten back on his broom. He was using fancy maneuvers to dodge the Bludgers that the two beaters were sending at him. Alice was laughing delightedly some eighty feet below him. Curtis, the seeker went off to see Madam Pomfrey about his bleeding nose, due to that Bludger.

I scanned the pitch for James. Where was he? Not that, you know. I was _looking_ for him or anything.

"Hey gorgeous," James said softly from behind me, making me jump and blush a deep scarlet.

I stood up clumsily, and spun around. James Potter was standing there, running his hand through his hair and smiling. I couldn't really see his face, because he had his back to the sun, but I could smell the fresh morning grass off of his billowing Quidditch robes, glimmering in the sunlight. With the shadows playing on his face, I could make out the outlines of his firm and distinct features. I noticed he was quite a bit taller than I was. I wonder why I hadn't noticed it before. Maybe because we've never stood so close to each other.

I stared at him, my stomach tossing the crumbs of toast around. Something heavy in my chest seemed to have blocked my throat, rendering me momentarily speechless. I wanted to touch him. To feel his warmth on my skin.

"Lily, are you alright?"

Instead, I opted for running away. I stumbled around awkwardly and ran down the bleachers. I nearly tripped a dozen times on my way. This might have been easier if I wasn't so preoccupied with constantly looking behind me. I was torn between the relief that he wasn't coming after me, and the disappointment that he didn't even try.

I walked back to the dormitory, feeling dazed. The halls flashed by in a colorful blur. All I could hear was a strange, echoic voice repeating "Lily…are you alright? Lily…" over and over again.

* * *

This is so embarrassing. I hate myself. How could I ever have let this happen? I am never leaving the hospital wing. Ever. Except I still have a Charms essay due this afternoon and a lovely detention to assist. Sod it. But after that, I am crawling back here and staying until I die. Possibly. 

I apparently fainted in a side hallway leading to the Main Hall this morning at about quarter to six. Now, all anyone is talking about is how James Potter was carrying Lily Evans in his arms through the school at the break of dawn.

From a corridor containing only to a Prefects bathroom and a supplies closet.

This is absolutely _mortifying_. Do you have any idea how _suspicious_ that might have looked? I wouldn't be surprised if the story gets blown completely out of proportion by noon. I mean, considering all the coincidental events, who could even have guessed that I fainted from lack of sleep and James Potter just _happened_ to find me passed out in some unknown corridor.

Which _is_ what actually happened. Madam Pomfrey said I fainted from sleep deprivation. Which I guess was true, what with me having stayed up until three in the morning for the past two weeks writing extra credit essays for transfiguration, not that it did me any good. Oh, and that whole waking-up-at-five-to-go-watch-Potter-on-a-broomstick thing this morning. God, I have to remember to strangle Alice for that one. So after I left this morning, I pretty much just walked into the castle, took the first turn I came to and passed out cold. Very elegant, wouldn't you say? Also, it seems James did come after me, because he was the one to bring me here, to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey said he stayed here the entire time until classes started. I was, of course, unconscious all the while. I hope I didn't sleep-talk. Or worse, drool! How embarrassing would that be?

Note to self: Must remember to be extra cold to Potter. Sodding rumors…

And find out if I sleep-talk.

* * *

Alice literally had to drag me down to McGonagall's office for detention. I was that desperate to get out of it. She kept saying something about how lucky I was to have detention with Potter. Something about him being hot. Yaddy yaddy yadda. I really didn't feel like seeing more of Potter than I had to. All day (well, except first period, because I was in the sodding hospital wing) I've had to endure those bloody stares shifting from me, to Potter, back to me, before the whispering started. I really think I might be deaf from the continuous buzz of rumors around this sodding school. Does no one understand _privacy_ anymore? 

"Lily, no one cares that you were snogging James Potter in the supplies closet! Just admit you fancy him and move on with life. It's not a big deal!" Alice said, tugging me forward. We received a couple raised eyebrows.

"I do NOT fancy him!" I shouted stubbornly, trying to resist Alice's tugs.

"Lily! Fine, you don't fancy James! Just get to your bloody detention, will you? McGonagall'll get her knickers in twist if you show up late."

"But Alice, I -"

"There! Just go in there and don't do anything stupid!" Alice shoved me through the door to McGonagall's office before I could protest.

James was already at his desk, scribbling furiously with his quill. He stopped when I got there though, looking at me like he didn't quite know what to do. I suppose he thought I blamed him for the whole disaster this morning. I ignored his attempt to talk to me.

I sat myself at the farthest seat from him and took out my own parchment and quill. Then I realized I didn't know what to do. Drat. I was going to have to talk to him. I toyed with idea of scribbling gibberish on my parchment for the entire detention just to keep from talking to Potter. Finally, I gave up.

"Where's McGonagall?" I said as sharply as I could.

"There was an emergency on the fourth floor. Someone got transfigured into a chipmunk. The entire staff is chasing it upstairs." He grinned, but faltered at my glare. I waited for him to continue with the instructions she left. He went back to his parchment. Git.

"So _what_ are we supposed to be doing?" I asked, through clenched teeth.

"Copy 'I will not pass notes in class' at least three hundred times or until 10 o'clock. She said not to expect her back."

I ignored his smile at me and started writing.

_I will not pass notes in class  
I will not pass notes in class  
I will not pass notes in class  
I will not pass notes in class  
I well not pass notes in class  
I well not pass n -_

James somehow got himself on the table behind me and was peering over my shoulder.

"Will you sod off please?" I hissed.

"You're spelling 'will' wrong."

"What?"

"You spelt it with an 'e'."

I looked down at my paper. Bugger. I crumpled it and attempted to throw it at him. It bounced off the window sill and out of the window. Oops.

"Potter, that was because you were breaking my concentration! Get back to your seat and get writing!"

"What's the point? It's not as if she'll find out."

"She could very well come back in here any minute now!"

He ignored me and smiled to himself as he walked in front of me. I hate him, I really do. And why does he have to smile like that, like he's keeping something from me; like he's laughing at me.

"Stop fooling around, James!"

"James? What happened to Potter?" Bugger. Clearly he was having a wonderful time seeing me squirm. As if I haven't done enough of that today.

"Fine! Potter, then!"

"But if you prefer James…"

"Shut up, Potter!"

"I will if you agree to this thing."

"No."

"Just a tiny, small, very little agreement."

"No."

"Don't you even want to know what it is?"

"No."

"If you don't help me, I won't un-stop not talking to you!"

"No. Wait, _what_?"

"Ha!"

"Potter, _un-stop_ isn't even a word!"

"Since when have we become so grammatically correct?"

"Since the day -" Oh God. Why were we even having a conversation about grammar? This is ridiculous; clearly talking to Potter can have more severe damaging consequences on one's mental health than I had thought. "Potter, is it even humanely possible for you to shut up for just _one_ moment?"

He pondered for a bit. "If you agree to this thing."

"No."

Oh crap, we're back to square one again, aren't we?

"Lily, you can be _so_ stubborn sometimes. It wouldn't kill you to say 'yes' once in while."

"What is that supposed to mean? And why have you called me Lily all day?"

"I don't know, it has a much nicer ring to it than _Evans_, I find."

"Gee, thanks. So now my last name sounds like crap, does it?"

"That's not what I'm saying, Lily. It's just…"

"Stop that Potter!"

"Stop what, Lily?"

"Stop - YOU ARE JUST DOING THIS TO GET ON MY NERVES!"

"No I'm not."

"…Lily," he added.

I threw my quill across the room. It went through the window.

"Nice shot, Lils."

I stood up and seized him by the collar.

"I'm warning you James, if you think -"

"There's the James again! If you can call me by my first name, I should do the same for you. Besides, we've known each other long enough. How about we just have a first name system where -"

"JAMES!" Oh sod. "I mean, POTTER!"

"I knew you'd think it was a good -"

I let go of his robes to grab the first thing on the table (the ink bottle) and threw it at his head. That went out the window too.

Note to self: Must learn to aim.

"Wow, that's three out of three, Lils! How about you come to the Quidditch tryouts in November? I'm sure we could use a chaser like you."

"Alright!" I sighed, throwing my arms in the air. He won. I admit it. Completely out of breath, I leaned against the wall, disgusted at myself.

"Alright Potter. What is it you want that will get you to shut up?"

He grinned at me, just as the clock struck ten.

Before I had the energy to notice anything, James had tangled his legs with mine and his mouth was eerily close to the side of my face.

"So," he whispered into my ear. "Seven sugar quills this year?"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**_(Reposted with corrections to grammar and spelling)_ This chapter is long. I wrote this as a distraction from all my summatives and exam reviews so, yes, I did write it at a time of utter delirium. But hopefully, it still works. I hope. To clear a few things up, Lily is in a state of denial over the whole butterflies-in-her-stomach thing. It is October, I know there was a weird time shift there. And no, Lily is not actually going to try out for Quidditch.**

**On another note, I love all you reviewers out there. 10 reviews, I'm impressed! I decided that individually replying to your reviews took too much time and that it was unfair for the anonymous reviewers so I'll do it here in the A/N from now on. And remember to check my info page for updates on the story!**

-ShIvErInG sMiLe-: **I think I already answered you review LOL Thanks so much, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well XD**

Purple Lurker: **I answered your review also, I think. Thanks so much for the review and I hope you liked this chapter!**

webling-girl05: **Aw, I hope you had a better day today! And as long as you keep reading and reviewing, you're welcome to my entire fridge LOL.**

lilHPfreak13: **Thank you for your enthusiasm!**

Effect-Gurl: **Wow, thank you! And I enjoyed your profile XD**

Fizz: **Thanks so much!**

PsychoLeopard: **Thank you, I hope you like this chapter!**

LilJester: **Yay! I hope you find this chapter good as well. And there are more cupcakes, so help yourself! ;D**

Swishy Willow Wand: **Thanks for your support! Hope you keep reading!**

Ruby: **I'm glad I could make you laugh! Hope you like this chapter just as much!**

**Keep reviewing!**

**Love, Cassie**


	4. Of Scabapples and Snowglobes

**Disclaimer: Ehehe I actually own something this time! XD Yes, it is true, the marvelous _Swedish Screaming Scabapple Tree_ came from my own mind. So no stealing!

* * *

**

**Chapter 4:** _Of Scabapples and Snowglobes

* * *

_

It was coming down in _buckets_. The rain, I mean. The rain was coming down in _buckets_. I leaned my head against the widow pane, and let the damp chill cool my forehead. It was still dark outside. In fact, I had almost missed breakfast this morning it was so dark. Really, I was fully intending on going back to sleep when a blasted dungbomb went off in the third year girls' dormitory. I can honestly say that the stink was the only thing that managed to haul all of Gryffindor House to the Great Hall in time for mail.

Most of us have been sleeping through the first two periods of the day. Herbology however, is impossible to sleep through, as you can see. Sodding Sweedish Screaming Scabapple Trees. We're supposed to be picking their fruit, because October is their ripening season or something. What I want to know is, how can they be ripening when there is no bloody sunlight to speak of? I wonder if that's why they've been screaming so bloody much. Seriously, the screams could knock you out they are so shrill. I'm willing to bet ten Galleons that Dumbledore paid Professor Sprout to give us these, just so that we'll wake up. Sadly, it's been working.

Even Sirius has woken up, after snoring through both Potions and History of Magic (not that he's _ever_ been awake during History of Magic, mind you), and was wrestling with a particularly violent Scabapple tree. His tree seemed to be singing the school song. Very off-key and much too shrill, but recognizably nonetheless. It made me giggle. Meanwhile, James was clippingthe tree'syellow lumpy scabapples with..._a muggle nail clipper_? I can't even begin to imagine where he got that.

Or why he was using the blunt end to do it.

The tree that I was sharing with Alice was dejectedly moaning under the table, where we had shoved and gagged it. Cruel yes, but those little gits just _won't shut up_. Alice was polishing the twenty-three Scabapples we had managed to get from that blasted tree before it started to writhe in pain. Alice suggested we shove him under the table and let it rest before we had a go at the rest of the Scabapples. I suggested the gagging. It should consider this a favour that we didn't just kill it off (we decided that it would look bad on our grades).

"Alright there, Lily?" Alice asked, poking at a particularly lumpy Scabapple.

"I guess," I replied, just as the Scabapple popped and erupted a sticky brown substance all over my bag. Wonderful, actually.

"Sorry about that," she said hastily, attempting to wipe it off with a rag.

"Alice?" I said suddenly, looking off at a distant spot in the gloom.

"Hm?" She said. When she saw the apathetic look on my face, she forgot all about the rag and the unidentified substance dripped thickly off the edge of the table.

"Where's the Divination Department?"

She blinked at me, clearly thrown off. I knew she was expecting something deep and enlightening from my current state of vulnerability. Ha, I suppose she thought I'd say something about yesterday's detention with James.

"But you're not even taking Divination, Lily."

I handed her a note that had been sent to me this morning at breakfast, without turning to look at her. It still had bits of porridge on it, from the trip that the bloody owl took down the length of our breakfast buffet this morning. It was quite a sight, mind you, what with all the wet feathers on top of the pancake tower. A real masterpiece.

I've already memorized that bit of parchment. It was humiliating enough, without the fact that James probably received the same letter. Here goes:

_Miss Lily Evans,_

_Following the unfortunate events yesterday night, I have decided that the rest of your detentions will take place in the Divination Department, under the vigilantsurveillance of Mr. Filch, our caretaker. I trust that this will be safer for the student population at Hogwarts and advise you to keep the windows firmly closed during the forthcoming detentions this week._

_Yours, Minerva McGonagall _

"Safer for the student population at Hogwarts? What did you two do last night? Oh wait, oh wait!Don't tell me - you shoved James out the window, right?" Alice looked at the letter, raising her eyebrows in confusion.

I mumbled inaudibly as my ears turned pink from the recollection of yesterday's detention. Especially the end of it. I've been puzzling over what it meant all last night. We were standing so close, I could smell the pepperminty scent of his robes. I could feel the tickle of his breath on my face. I could sense his knee brushing against my leg. It was all just so overwhelming that I hadn't fully understood what he had said to me until I had gotten back to the Common Room. I couldn't even walk straight, I was that dazed.

I would have puzzled over it this morning too,if I hadn't gone to the hospital wing before Potions to retrieve the library book I left there yesterday. It was horrible. Seeing that little first year boy, lying on his stomach with a bushy tail protruding from under the covers suddenlymade me think of McGonagall's letter. According to Madam Pomfrey, _he_ was the boy that got transfigured into a chipmunk last night. The same one that the entire staff was chasing during my detention. Oh bloody hell!To quote Madam Pomfrey, he was "hit silly by a sudden shower of school supplies." School supplies! As in ink bottles and quills!

Dear Merlin! The ink bottle I had accidentally thrown out the window hit a first year chipmunk senseless! I was a horrible, _horrible_ person! ...who couldn't aim and happened to have terrible luck as well.

Oh, God. Story of my life.

"I almost killed a fist year with my ink bottle, but could we please focus? I don't even know where the sodding Divination Department is. No one I know takes that wretched useless course anyway."

Alice blinked at me for a while before deciding to let the ink-bottle-homocide story drop.

"Well, look at it this way: you can just follow James. He takes Divination in the afternoon."

Before I could argue, that bloody tree knocked the table over and started to fling its branches all over us. Needless to say, amid all of the screeching and whipping and us whacking it repeatedly with our textbooks, the conversation was cut rather short. I knew we should just have killed it.

* * *

_The bloody North Tower_. Up the bloody infinite stairs of the bloody North Tower. That was where the Divination Room was. Who knew Hell was so high _up_? 

I am so grateful that I took Study of Ancient Runes instead of Divination. _So_ grateful.

I came up on the seventh bloody landing. I was quite dizzy and disoriented. Why didn't they make normal stairs that go straight? Is it that complicated an idea?Why did they have to make them _spirally_? Really, I'm sure our old school founders were brilliant at magic, but architecture? Not so much.

Detention was less than five minutes away and I still didn't know how close I was to the Divination Room. I wandered aimlessly down a corridor to the left.

"Lily where are you going?"

I turned swiftly to see James coming onto the landing as well. Unfortunately, I must have turned a little too fast because next thing I knew, I was sprawled on the ground in an all too graceful manner. (sarcasm, sarcasm)

My head was spinning and every time I tried to stand up, my eyes would blur out of focus. Ho hum, I guess the ground would have to do.

"Um…need some help?"

"No actually, I'm fine right here," I said and looked up at him, without showing the slightest indication that I wanted to get off the cold hard floor. He was looking at me quizzically. He knelt down to my height and offered me a hand without a word.

That was when it happened. Oh for the love of God, why did I have to start turning pink _then_? I suppose it was only because he was looking so sincere offering me his hand and the fact that he didn't make any of his witty comments. I mean, what was a girl to do?

Blush, of course. Blushing was the only thing I managed to do and it wouldn't go away no matter how much I willed it to! I must have looked like a hot pepper!

So...it was very awkward and I was fumbling around deciding how to get out of this situation when I realized I was still sitting on the floor in the middle of a deserted landing and thatJames was still offering me his hand. So I took it and then, I blushed some more, if that were even possible.I didn't really notice the walk up the rest of the tower. I noticed thatevery so often, my hand would brush against his or his knee would bump into mine.I figured out that if I reajusted my bag, my elbowwouldtouch his arm three out of five times.Everytime that we arrived on a new landing, I only had to stop abruptlyandhisknee would knock into my legs. Everytime we made contact, we mumbled a small 'sorry' and I made it a game to see who could say sorry first. As entertaining as this game was, it made me lose control over myself completely.The only other thing I could focus onwas not tripping over myself and breaking my neck. I couldn't seem to look at him though. Everytme I peeked out at him from underneath my hair, my cheeks would immediately catch fire. (Figuratively, of course.) Why was James able to look so nonchalant while I was a wreck? Surely, this wouldn't have anything to do with what Alice was saying…?

Of course not! The day that I fancy James Potter will be the day pigs sprout wings!

We arrived at a long, slim ladder leading into the Divination Room. Oh goody. After getting disoriented from those sodding stairs, now I get to fall off a ladder. How convenient.

I bravey climbed up the ladder, trying to ignore James and my flushed face. The moment I opened up the door though, I caught a huge whiff of something that smelt like a flower explosion mixed with sweat. Sickeningly sweet but burnt and bitter at the same time. That was enough to send me tumbling down the ladder. Luckily, James was down there and caught me before I completely killed myself. Actually, I'm not sure that it was entirely lucky. He was certainly looking at me with an odd smile on his face. Was he laughing at me? Pompous Ass!

Just as we were…ahem…caught in a passionate embrace (sarcasm, sarcasm), Filch decided to stick his head down and yell at us.

"You two are already five minutes late! Hurry it up, or you'll be here until morning!"

Grumbling, I elbowed James out of the way and climbed back up the ladder. I was prepared this time and held my breath.

I emerged into an attic full of little round bistro tables and huge fluffy armchairs. The sweet smell was combined with lavender coloured smoke and a stuffy heat to make the entire place look foreign and out of proportion. The chairs were easily three times larger than the tables. The odd, opaque crystal balls were teetering on the frail tables. Large armoires on the sides of this classroom contained slanted, broken, and/or crooked shelves that held a mess of parchment, books, tea sets, packs of cards, more crystal balls, voodoo dolls, etc. The whole surprise and unfamiliarity of the place made my head spin even faster.

"DON'T JUST STARE OFF INTO SPACE! GET STARTED! I WANT ALL OF THESE TEA SETS POLISHED AND NEATLY STACKED ONTO THE SHELVES! _SANS MAGIQUE_!"

He tossed us each a pail of murky lake water and a sponge.

God, his French was terrible.

* * *

Okay, it was nearing midnight, and there were less and less tea sets lying around. I was completely exhausted and my braid had long fallen out. All this, this should be considered child labor! 

It's no wonder I've been fainting everywhere. I'll be lucky if I get out of these detentions with half my limbs left.

And James. I was agonizingly torn between wanting to strangle him or to laugh with him. He was taking the whole detention thing so well, although I must admit he's had much more experience with this sort of thing than I have. Unfortunately for me, "taking it well" with James meant either throwing things or torturing me. Sometimes, it involved both.

He's already taught himself to juggle five tea cups at a time while balancing a crystal ball on his foot during just this onedetention, for God's sake!

"Hey Lils?"

"Please, James. No more of your circus shows. Spare me."

"No, it's just, well, look at Filch."

"No thanks, I might die from the shock."

"Lily, he's asleep."

"What?" That caught my attention. I turned to look at him. He was indeed asleep and with his mouth widely open too. "Ugh. Finally." Relieved for a rest, I plopped down on the nearest armchair, massaging my wrists.

"Don't you realise what this means?" James pressed on, throwing his sponge aside.

"That we can finally rest from the slave labor?"

"Well, that too. But I was more thinking about finishing the rest of this with...what had he called it?_Magique_."

I bit my lip. Certainly, that would be the logical thing to do. And I obviously had no desire to stay here into the wee hours of the morning polishing bloody tea cups. But...suppose someone found out?

"Come on Lils. With your charms skills, you could probably finish the rest of them with a single flick of your wand!"

"What! That's ridiculous! What would Filch think?"

"Lily, Lily, Lily…" He shook his head exasperatedly. "Filch _doesn't_ think."

"James!"

"Come on, I'm really enjoying washing tea cups with you and all but I've got Quidditch practice tomorrow morning!"

"Well, charm them yourself then!"

"I'm not as good as you are at them," he reminded me in an annoying sing-song voice.

"Oh, sod off," I said, wondering just why our arguments always started when he complimented me. Surely this was one of those bogus reverse psychology things?

"Well then," He said, sighing deeply as he got closer to where I was sitting. "I guess we'll just _have_ to spend more time with each other. That's fine, I'm enjoying it very much, but I had no idea you liked it this much as well."

"What! That is so beside the point!"

"Oh? But it's still there, is it?"

"James it won't work this time. I can't risk McGonagall finding out about this. Yesterday's detention was already enough of a disaster _plus_," I glared about darkly "I'm already failing her class."

"Oh please. Gotninety-nine and a halfon the last test?"

"Try fifty-nine," I threw back, before realizing who I had just told this to. Bloody hell, why was I so stupid?

He looked speechless.

"You can stop gapping at me now!" I snapped and hopped off the armchair to keep him from seeing me blush again.

"Well, I can help you…if you want that is…I mean…uhh..."

He was actually looking abashed! He was running his hand through his messy hair frantically and staring at his shoes! Well, knock me over with a feather!

Now, since it _is_ the second time he's offered…I might as well take him up on it. But _only_ because he hadn't been a total jerk for most of the night. Well, that and because I really was failing.

But obviously he wouldn't be this kind. I knew him better than that.

"At what price?" I asked suspiciously

He seemed a bit taken aback that I was even considering it. Then, he went back to his arrogant, prat-likeself again.

"Well, for starters, how about clearing up the rest of these teacups?"

I glared at him. In the end, either due to the fumes in this sodding room or because I was so desperate to get some help in transfiguration, I swished my wand and the rest of the dirty tea cups, saucers, teapots and coasters flew back to the shelves, sparkling like new.

"Happy?" I snarled, narrowing my eyes in his direction.

"Almost," he said, picking up his bag and unrolling the sleeves of his robes. I cautiously walked up to him.

"What more do you want?"

"Oh I don't know, how about…" He looked at me innocently. That bloody blackmailer. "a date?"

"A what!" I looked at him blankly. Was he joking?

"A date. For the next Hogsmeade trip?That would be nice. Or perhaps a kiss?"

"I'd rather kiss Filch!"

"Oh, that hurts," he said, mockingly putting a hand over his chest.

"Your heart is on the left side, James," I reminded him with a sigh.

"Hey, my right lung hurt too!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously James. Can't you think of something a _little_ more creative?"

"Like snogging in the astronomy tower?"

"Please!" I gagged, repulsed at the very idea.

"Alright, I've got it."

"Ooh, enlighten me." I said, positively thrilled. (you know how it goes now: sarcasm, sarcasm)

"Let me take you on a broomstick ride."

I stood, stunned into stupor. I didn't know what to say. This was so unexpected – James Potter asking something of me that wasn't humiliating, demoralizing, _or _obscene in any way? Completely out of character. He must have been smoking Floo Powder!

"Okay," I agreed simply, too surprised to think of something witty.

"Great! So, how about a study session next Monday?"

He opened the door and lowered himself down the ladder.

"But, you might want to check that crystal ball there before you leave," pointing at the table where he last stood. Then he disappeared from my view.

I peered down at the crystal ball he had indicated and was surprised to find a little snowman inside, with swirling snow all around it.The snowman even danced around!He had charmed it into a snow globe! I smiled in spite of myself.

Carefully, I slid the crystal ball inside my bag and scurried away before Filch woke up.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I'm really pleased with the way this chapter turned out. I find that the thoughts in this chapter are more casual and organized, which is quite an improvement from my last chapter, I must say. I was rereading it just now. Blah anyway, as some on you may know, my computer has eaten upthe internet connection since last Friday. I've been doing all my summative projects and writingon my dad's laptop and it's really hard to type on here.**

**Now about reviews. I. Am. Bloody. Impressed! A total of 16 reviews from you for all three of my previouschapters! And I've been added to two C2s! Teehee, it really made me want to update sooner, as I was intending on updating this weekend, so here is a new chapter! Also, I'd like to point out that I have gotten many reviews from new readers (or just people who haven't bothered to review the first few chapters :P). So, thank you very much to everyone and keep reviewing!**

**Love, Cassie**

**PS I just love the snow, don't you? X3**

divya kajendran: **Funny enough, I'm not from the US! My spell check is just stuck on American for some reason (I do usually spell rumour, favourite, and favour with 'u's LOL). I do think it's cool over there too. Well, minus the terroists. u.u; Also, I haven't decided when they kiss yet. But I think it's much more fun to see Lily going into denial than to have the whole story solved with a kiss right away, wouldn't you say? Don't worry, there'll definitely be one though XD**

kitkatgirl11: **I'm glad you like my version of Lily. I really wanted to make her bitter and sarcastic, plus it's not fun to write her being perfect in every way. Thanks for the review!**

illusion100: **LOL Thanks a lot for saying that the story is funny. I personally think I'm rubbish at humour but it's always nice to get a compliment like that!**

-ShIvErInG sMiLe-: **I know, I love denial too. It makes for great self-conflicts XD. Wow, you've reviewed every one of my chapters, hope you keep reviewing!**

wishingbutterfly: **I'm really happy you like it! I reviewed one of your stories, didn't I?**

themaniac: **You meant unusual as in 'unique', right? XD Thanks though!**

Keahi Spitfire: **That's really sweet, hope you keep reading!**

marg: **Thank you! And here's another chapter for you!**

Swishy Willow Wand: **Yes I do find Sugar Quills sound delicious, which is why I used them. I know the feeling though, when you have something funny and no one gets it. And you laugh while everyone stares at you. It's just, well, crappy and ruins the effect when you explain it, right? LMAO And of course you don't babble. I loved your review!**

Katie: **Eek, thank you! ;D**

MarauderQueen: **Thank so much, and here is another chapter!**

Trinity Day (3 from you!): **Thanks a lot for the reviews! I'm really happy you liked it:D About chapter two, the dialogue in Potions was intentionally supposed to be mostly guesswork. I thought it added a bit more humour while getting the information across. But I am rubbish at humour so, sorry about the confusion. >>;**

Ruby: **You've reviewed all of my chapters as well! Ah and thanks a lot for you comments of James!**

Prince Aoshi: **Thank you! Here is another chapter!**


End file.
